Bring Me The Head Of Michael Moore

There is a new potential blockbuster on the horizon for Hollywood, and really, all anyone has to do is follow the porcine Michael Moore around with a camera (not too closely) for about three months- even leftists who support Chavez should be able to find Mr. Moore by then, and they are really dumb- look at who they support, while a formerly good and decent country is dragged down to third- world banana status.

It’s all about pride, and the perception that Hugo Chavez is something other than the idiot he seems to be- well, Chavistas can’t have that, so they attack anyone and anything that poses a problem for poor old Hugo. A jar of salsa can’t be opened by the great man? Line it up against a wall and shoot the top off. That’s one of their solutions to a resistance to Chavez. Third world banana republic tinpot dictators are like that, you know. Aw, shoot- I’m profiling again, aren’t I?

But they go further than that- Michael Moore’s comments on a Jimmy Kimmel show have made the Chavistas mad- he dared to portray El Gordo (the fat one) as less than God- like.

During a recent appearance on ABC’s late-night program “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Mr. Moore gave an account — apparently tongue in cheek — of how he drank a bottle-and-a-half of tequila with Mr. Chávez at the Venice Film Festival in September, and how he mistook Venezuela’s burly foreign minister, Nicolás Maduro, for a bodyguard.

Those comments have created an uproar here among some of Mr. Chávez’s loyal supporters, known as Chavistas.

nytimes.com

Goodness- such a slam- the Chavistas were furious, but not because of just that one comment- wait!- there’s more-

Ms. Golinger and other Chavistas took particular umbrage at Mr. Moore’s suggestion that he had imbibed with Mr. Chávez (the president is a noted teetotaler) while giving him some speechwriting advice. The advice, Mr. Moore said in the appearance, had been accepted.

Mr. Moore’s comments “about President Chávez asking him to ‘help’ write his United Nations speech demonstrate Moore’s extreme ego,” Ms. Golinger wrote.

“President Chávez is one of the most brilliant speakers in the world, with an immense capacity to bring together a variety of ideas while being coherent,” she added. “We know that nobody writes his speeches, not even him! He speaks from his heart, and not from a teleprompter!”

nytimes.com

Yes, Chavez’ words rain down from heaven, yada, yada, yada- Chavez is a blowhard, that much is true, and the people who follow him are clueless lemmings, but, as I said at the outset, we might have a documentary/ snuff film/ comedy/ thriller on our hands. Oh, to have a handle on all those genres, and demographics, and all we have to do is get a few cameras and follow Mr. Moore around- the Chavistas have such a fragile ego collectively, that they resemble the White House, so we can expect the attacks to commence very soon.

But here its not the Chicago Way- its the Caracas Way- and they will use assassination- oh, they will need armor- piercing ammo, in order to penetrate that layer of blubber he protects himself with. Mickey D’s make for good kevlar- like protection- all those chemicals and preservatives, you know.

Perhaps they will use a harpoon, but that might bring the wrath of Greenpeace upon them. Wouldn’t that be cool? And if the Sierra Club got in on the chase, figuring that he needed to  be banded and studied, and his natural environment ( a padded room) should be protected. Imagine the cast of characters, the twists and turns!

This could be done with non- union labor, just like Michael Moore does- oh, the irony, as we capture the final moments of his life, I can hear the cheering in the theaters. Doctors will be in the theaters during the last five minutes! Those who are weak of heart should not attend, for fear that the joy might be too much.

And just think- for once in his life, Chavez might actually have done something positive for this world and the environment.

I am sure however, the Venezuelans would stake a claim on Moore’s fat body, and designate it as an alternative energy source.

After all, whale oil used to be all the rage.
Blake

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