What Democrats Believe

  • Democrats believe that being rich is evil unless you got rich by marrying Tereza Heinz, running bootleg liquor (Kennedy), or raising tobacco (Gore).
  • Democrats believe the right to choose is absolute unless you choose to own or carry a gun.
  • Democrats believe the rich should pay the most taxes except for rich democrats who instead use their wealth to avoid taxes like the plague.
  • Democrats believe Saddam Hussein is an honest guy who did not have WMD except when a democrat was the president.
  • Democrats believe lying by the president (Nixon) is an impeachable offense except when a democratic president lies.
  • Democrats believe religious items are not allowed in government buildings unless they are owned by criminals in jail.
  • Democrats believe we must go out of our way to keep people from exercising their Constitutional right to freedom of religion unless we are allowing terrorists at Gitmo to practice theirs.
  • Democrats believe burning a Flag is freedom of speech. Tearing up or flushing a Koran is a crime.
  • Democrats believe drug companies are evil and their money is ill gotten off the misery of the sick, unless we want them to donate millions of dollars and products to disaster relief.
  • Democrats believe Microsoft is a monopoly. The federal government is not.
  • Democrats believe Wal Mart is very evil because they are so greedy they will not unionize to give employees better wages, unless they are giving millions of dollars to disaster relief.
  • Democrats believe Bill Clinton is sensitive to the environment despite the fact that, as governor, he allowed Tyson’s Foods to dump waste in the Arkansas River.
  • Democrats are proud to be liberal except when they are running for office.
  • Democrats believe that discrimination is evil unless it is done through affirmative action.
  • Democrats believe that racism should not be tolerated unless the racist is Jesse Jackson.
  • Democrats believe racist remarks are no joke unless the joke is made by Hillary Clinton talking about Middle Eastern gas station owners.
  • Democrats despise the military except when there is a natural disaster or they are needed to divert attention from a democrat’s indescretions.
  • Democrats believe Supreme Court nominees should answer every question without fail unless the nominee is a liberal who should then refuse to answer.
  • Democrats believe that every vote counts unless the vote is from a member of the military.

Feel free to add your own.



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2 Responses to “What Democrats Believe”

  1. The Wayfarer says:

    These were sent to me a while back. But there are so many more out there!

    In order to be a Democrat:

    – You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
    – You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
    – You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
    – You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
    – You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth’s climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.
    – You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
    – You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
    – You have to believe that the same teacher who can’t teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
    – You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
    – You have to believe that self esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
    – You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.
    – You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
    – You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
    – You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.
    – You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
    – You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
    – You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried is because the right people haven’t been in charge.
    – You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
    – You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
    – You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
    – You have to believe that the posting of this list is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

    Let’s get some more. Piling on is fun!

  2. Big Dog says:

    Welcome to the site Wayfarer.
    This list is great! It is a great addition to the musings of a tired Dog and most welcome.

    Well folks, the bar has been raised. I’ve opened the wound, anyone else want to pour in the salt?