Regular readers, and I know who the three of you are, know that I travel quite a bit for my job. I am always on an airplane going somewhere. I am fortunate enough that I get upgraded to First Class where I can enjoy a larger seat and some leg room. The trouble is, the jackasses who fly on planes think they are the only people who are in the aircraft on any particular day.
Each time I fly it is a struggle for mental health because I have to deal with these kinds of dunderheads. You know the types. You have the dip sticks who talk on a cell phone the entire time they are allowed to do so. They are walking down the isle with a phone shoved in their ear juggeling their bags and then stopping at their assigned seat to continue the conversation. They do not get out of the isle because they can not handle their baggage and the phone at the same time so the rest of the plane has to wait for these numb nuts to finish talking to aunt Marge about her cookie ingredients. I have news for you people. You are not that flipping important. You are not so important that you have to hold up entire plane to have a phone conversation. You are annoying. No one wants to listen to your conversation. And those of you who have those gadgets sticking out of your ears, those hands free things. you know, the things that make you look like a communications officer from the Enterprise. You should concentrate on traveling and not on walking around having loud conversations. You look like a psychotic person hearing voices and responding. They should make a rule. Any one who uses a cell phone in such a fashion has to fly with the luggage.
Speaking of luggage. How about the jerks who carry their whole set of American Tourister luggage on the plane? These are the asses who have a carry on and a computer bag, and a bag of something they bought for their mother. These are the ones who hog up the isle with all their luggage and then complain when they can not find a space for it. (They are usually on a cell phone). These are the ones who put ALL their luggage in the over head bins, despite the request for people with more than one item to place the smaller under the seat in front of them. The rules do not apply to them and they do not care about anyone else. The poor schmucks who only have a computer bag and don’t get on first have to sit with their knees in their chins because there is no overhaed space. And God help anyone when Mr. all the luggage in the world gets on and the bins are full. This ass will try to move things. Walk through the cabin looking for open space and then, in the ultimate act of me only, ask “Whose is this? Would you mind putting it under your seat so I can put my bag up top [and sit comfortably while you struggle to breathe]”. I always answer the same way. I tell the person “I would mind. I have two words for you, CHECK IT. You see sir (or madam) I check my luggage so I can put my samll computer bag in the overhead bin, not so some jackass like you can impose upon me.” I don’t make a lot of friends on airplanes. I have some advice for these jackasses. You are not so damned important that you can not check your luggage. You can check it and then everyone will have room. In the event you think you are too important to check your luggage then suffer when there is no room. When I do not sit in First Class I try to get an exit row seat. I watch to see who has all the luggage when they come on board. These people might miss the slide during an emergency egress.
This is the reason I have trouble with people in general. We have become a society where young men do not get up and offer a lady a seat. We have become a society where men do not hold the doors any more. We are in a society where the me mentality causes people to be selfish and not think about the others around them. As long as I get my space, screw you. This is what I hear when they board the plane. I believe that a mannered person ensures that he does not take more than that to which he is entitled. I believe that a gentleman acts like such and never forgets that you learned manners from your mother and how you act is a direct reflection on her.
Unfortunately, from what I’ve seen, there are some pretty sorry mothers out there.
This rant brought to you courtesy of the nim rods traveling from Baltimore to Birmingham on Delta today.