Big Dogs House » Humor

Old Butch

Big Dog — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 22:08:28 +0000

A little humor that is more reality than fiction…

John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets,’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To John’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring.

He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Piece Prize,” but they also awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.

Vote carefully this fall, the bells are not always audible.

It is November or never folks…

Big Dog Salute to JP

Never surrender, never submit.

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How Will Obama Be Viewed?

Big Dog — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 06:25:13 +0000

Our Country Deserves Better PAC has put out a new ad that mocks Obama’s idea of meeting with leaders of rogue nations without precondition.

Though humorous, the ad is effective because it depicts exactly how world leaders are likely to view the naivete of Obama.

More About the Taser Incident

Big Dog — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 06:00:06 +0000

MC Hammer is back to demonstrate the newest dance craze:

[youtube]Xzkd_m4ivmc[/youtube]

Its Taser Time.

Now this is just funny and a better way to vent than the Colorado State newspaper…

Big Dog Salute to Pirate’s Cove (another funny video in this post)

Words of Wisdom for Tazer Victim

Big Dog — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 22:33:14 +0000

As many of you know by now Andrew Meyer was taxed by the police or campus security for an outburst at a John Kerry forum. Mr. Meyer was acting like an ass and as the story unfolds it appears he was intent on causing this, something I pointed to as a possibility in my update post. We can have a civil discussion about whether he should have been shocked but the fact is, he was and the bottom line is, he was responsible for his actions. Perhaps he should have sought guidance from a professional before he went there.

Guidance on being tazed

This is in Windows Media Player format.

I received this police report in an email.

Big Dog Salute to MF for this.

Mohammad the Prophet Balloons

Big Dog — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 04:29:27 +0000

I think that these Mohammad (PBUH – Pig Be Under Him) balloons are pretty classy and people should get some for when the Muslims have parades and march around screaming about cartoons or some other crap that people think we should care about. I made this, BTW, in response to a picture that shows Osama bin Laden as Jesus which is pretty ironic because Jesus was a Jew and we know how the worshipers of the child molester feel about them.

Enjoy the picture!

Big Dog Spanks Michael Vick

Big Dog — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 00:24:56 +0000

I received this via email and it was too much to pass up. The email, with the same title as this post, contained this picture:

If you want to order this shirt, go here.

Caption Fun

Big Dog — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 01:17:54 +0000

Please add a caption for this photo. I will start us off:

“I thought it was going to be a lap dance from a hooker. Who let Hillary in here?”

“Don’t try that come to poppa crap with me Bill. My name isn’t Monica”

Please have fun…

9/11 Conspiracy Theory, Now This is Funny

Big Dog — Wed, 30 May 2007 01:05:07 +0000

I found this at House of Eratosthenes. Morgan Freeberg found it at Flopping Aces. No matter where it originated it is just too funny to pass up. I believe this is how Rosie and all the others became convinced.

[youtube]qmFcdie-Orw[/youtube]

Hell, Rosie has changed her tune on this. First she said that both towers and building 7 were imploded and recently she said the towers were knocked down by planes (the same towers where steel would not melt) but that 7 was imploded by our evil government. We can get into that later but this comedy video explains more than meets the eye…

The Liberal Daughter

Big Dog — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 12:52:12 +0000

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school. Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend, and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Audrey doing?” She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She’s always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too hung over.”

Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.” The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired back, “That wouldn’t be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades! I’ve invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, ” Welcome to the Republican party.”

More Monday Humor

Big Dog — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 16:45:47 +0000

This from Mrs. Dog:

Jim & Edna

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom of the pool and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you’re being discharged. Since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”

Edna replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.”

“How soon can I go home?”

My friend GM Roper will appreciate this!