Obama’s Teleprompter Commits Suicide

It is no secret that Barack Obama uses his teleprompter as a crutch. He needs it to stay on message because when he goes freestyle he says things he does not want people to hear. The teleprompter has been with him through the last six months and has heard nearly every speech he has made. It has also heard all the practice runs of those speeches.

I know that I have had my fill of listening to him so I can only imagine how horrible it must have been for the teleprompter, or TOTUS, as it is called.

Today was too much for the poor TOTUS so during a speech Obama gave the TOTUS jumped off its stand and committed suicide. The death was instant as the TOTUS shattered into a bunch of little pieces when it hit the floor.

Obama expressed brief sadness by exclaiming “Oh Goodness!” and then continued with his speech. The TOTUS’s twin brother was able to resist the urge to jump and guided Obama through the balance of the speech.

Asked to comment after the speech, TOTUS II said that his brother had been under a great deal of pressure to make Obama sound good and that the strain had been evident as he malfunctioned for Joe Biden and Mrs. Obama in recent speeches. TOTUS said that he knew it was only a matter of time before his brother went to pieces.

Funeral services will begin tomorrow at noon at a local glass factory after which TOTUS will be recycled into a toilet bowl, a fixture more fitting for what Obama has been spreading.

A plaque above the toilet bowl will read:

Here lies the reincarnation of TOTUS
A fixture that put words in Obama’s mouth
Considering what Obama has been spewing
We needed a place to ralph

Sources:
ABC News
Real Clear Politics (video)

Big Dog

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22 Responses to “Obama’s Teleprompter Commits Suicide”

  1. Blake says:

    I don’t know- he might need an intervention, where he is taught to get rid of that crutch,
    baby steps.

  2. Savonarola says:

    DOG
    It is no secret that Barack Obama uses his teleprompter as a crutch. He needs it to stay on message because when he goes freestyle he says things he does not want people to hear.

    SAV
    It takes a severe case of selective amnesia to believe this, yet it seems incredibly common in rightwing circles. Apparently, nobody remembers the debates, where Obama did just fine without the teleprompter.
    The fact that most of the people who try to rag on Obama for teleprompter use are big fans of stumbling, bumbling GWB is just bonus: The ignorance is coupled with hypocrisy.

    Is our children learning?” Yes. Are Republicans? Not so much.

    • Big Dog says:

      by Big Dog on Jul 14, 2009 at 05:15 in Satire

      Notice the heading.

      But now that you brought it up I did see the debates. He gave nonsense answers that did not answer the question and he had a lot of uhs in his sentences. If he is so gifted why does he need the teleprompter for mundane things? It is because his staff feeds him answers on the screen with facts, numbers and other information. That is not all bad but this is one of the reasons he uses it as a crutch. Another reason is that he is unsure and he does not want to give unscripted answers. When he does he tells guys like Joe the Plumber that he wants to redistribute wealth, a message he did not want to be general knowledge.

      • Savonarola says:

        DOG
        Notice the heading.

        SAV
        Don’t worry, I did. But the entry would have made no sense without the asinine rightwing assault on Obama’s using a teleprompter. The heart of the argument is completely, completely gutted by a simple observation of the facts.

        You object, citing question aversion and “uh”s. “Uh”s occur for everybody when thinking on the fly; they’re not particularly indicative of anything except a pause for thought. Question aversion is common, but Obama didn’t avoid every question. He certainly did better than McCain in the first debate. (The other two were a complete waste of time. Actually, the first one mostly was, too.)

  3. Blake says:

    Yogi Berra made a good living with malaprops- The fact that Dubya doesn’t speak eloquently was not a problem- he got the big things right.
    Your guy talks the talk, but hasn’t learned to walk yet- perhaps after adolescence, and his stones drop, he’ll do better.
    What? he’s an adult? With THOSE ridiculous ideas? Wow- he must not have had many real- world experiences.

    • Savonarola says:

      BLAKE
      Yogi Berra made a good living with malaprops- The fact that Dubya doesn’t speak eloquently was not a problem-

      SAV
      I’ll keep my response to this nonsense short:
      Yogi wasn’t the President of the United States.

      BLAKE
      he got the big things right.

      SAV
      No, he certainly didn’t.

      BLAKE
      Your guy talks the talk

      SAV
      He certainly does, which is the opposite of the point of the entry: That he can’t without a teleprompter. But all it takes is a look at his speaking without a teleprompter to show that this claim is bunk.

      • Blake says:

        Well, W did get a lot right- we could debate for years on whose side is the most incompetent, and it wold be as if we were debating the “angels on the pinhead” argument- your guy does not speak as well without a script, that is a fact, and he is tightly wound- wouldn’t surprise me to see him in a suit with wrap- around arms soon, although the people who rely on him for a meal ticket would probably just “cancel his press availabilities”, and say he was sick or whatever.

        • Savonarola says:

          BLAKE
          your guy does not speak as well without a script,

          SAV
          Let’s presume you mean, “Obama does not speak as well without a script as with a script.” That’s true. Of course, that’s not saying much at all, because that would be true for 99% of the population, including GWB.
          If you meant, “Obama does not speak without a script as did GWB without a script,” well, you need to see a psychiatrist.

          I notice that you didn’t bother trying refuting my point that Obama does just fine without a teleprompter as evidenced by the debates.

        • Blake says:

          Personally, I thought he was idiotic in the debates, and didn’t need to point that out, but there you are-He is very good at saying a lot without any meaning to it. Typical lawyerese- but never answering any questions.
          Kind of like trying to hold a greased eel.

  4. […] has the skinny, TOTUS driven to suicide. Big Dog has the […]

  5. brian says:

    Poor telepromter did he seek couseling?, now according to the 26th amendment the vice teleprompter will have to run the country

  6. brian says:

    25th telepromter malfunction

  7. GM Roper says:

    Doggie, your obit is priceless especially the plaque at the end. But when you think of it, poor TOTUS now has people ralphing on it AFTER it had the indignity of being TOTUS. Sometimes glass just can’t win.

  8. Mike Radigan says:

    Everyone, EVERYONE, mixes up words on occasion. You, me, presidents, EVERYONE. No biggie. But Joe Biden is in a class by himself. His comment about FDR going on TV to discuss the great depression is scary.

    What does Obama call Biden and Pelosi? Life insurance. That’s a joke. :)

  9. Big Dog says:

    I have heard Obama speak in interviews (from the past) and in the debates. You call it thinking on the fly and maybe it was. It is tough to think of something that will mean nothing to anyone but sound good.

    Obama stammered and used a lot of uhs. He is a good talker but he uses that TP for a reason. He does not want to mess up. Besides, he can use notes.

    He is unsure of himself. I don’t use a TP when I speak publicly. I use my written notes and I don’t uh and stammer.

    • Savonarola says:

      DOG
      Gutted, is this what you call gutting an argument?

      SAV
      No, I called the observable fact that Obama isn’t a bumbling idiot without a teleprompter a gutting of the argument that Obama is nothing without a teleprompter.

      DOG
      It is tough to think of something that will mean nothing to anyone but sound good.

      SAV
      Now Dog, just because you don’t understand a statement doesn’t mean it means nothing…

      DOG
      I don’t use a TP when I speak publicly. I use my written notes and I don’t uh and stammer.

      SAV
      Try speaking publicly taking questions from the audience. I do this every day, and it can be a challenge to select words that maximize understanding and minimize possible confusion. Thus, I end up with pauses and rewordings. Does this mean that I’m unsure of myself or that I don’t know my subject matter? No, that’s ridiculous.

      I’m still, still finding it absurd that the righties are still going bonkers about this when (1) it’s fabricated, (2) it’s a non-issue and (3) GWB was worse about it in every measurable way.

      • Blake says:

        Because it drives you bonkers, that’s why- for us this is entertaining- besides, your side did this same kind of thing with GWB,and so we feel turnabout is fair play, no?

  10. Blake says:

    I still find it absurd AND idiotic that lefties hated Bush the way they did when 1)- it should have been clear just what needed to be done, and 2)- Bush was better in every way than either Gore, or Kerry would have been.
    After all, we could be where we are now, back in 2001, if Goreski was prez.
    Oh, to have eight years of what we must endure until 2012- what a nightmare.