LARK Program

Thursday Humor
Recently at Lost Adam’s I suggested a program where the people calling for the release of detainees at Club Gitmo would sponsor one of them and be responsible for that person’s behavior. If the detainee caused a problem the sponsor would have to suffer the same punishment the detainee received. Amazingly, I got no takers from the folks who think we are obligated to participate in some kind of terrorist catch and release program. I received this in an email earlier and while it has been around for a while, I like it so I thought I would share it for those who might not have seen it.

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the
Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay,
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard
loud and clear here in Washington. You’ll be pleased to learn that, thanks
to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division
of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the “Liberals Accept
Responsibility for Killers” program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to
place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has
been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard
to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud you can just
call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally
demanded in your letter of complaint.

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We
will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for
Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity to what you described as his “attitudinal problem” will help
him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing
these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to
offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at
your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of
explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep
those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property.
This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to
show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress
code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I’m sure you will
come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka — over time. Just
remember that it is all part of “respecting his culture and his religious
beliefs” — wasn’t that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you
keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of
Ahmed – and remember…we’ll be watching.

Good luck!

Cordially, your friend,

Don Rumsfeld.

Big Dog Salute to BK

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One Response to “LARK Program”

  1. Bosun says:

    Excellent Program,

    Of course the do gooders who complain are one in the same with, “Not in my backyard. GIve them what they ask for and they don’t want it. Liberals are like soup sandwiches.

    Have a good day.