Helping Larry Craig Stay in Office Without Hurting Republicans

I piped in on the Larry Craig issue when the story broke and I indicated that the people of his state should have the say in whether he stays or goes. This was all before he made the announcement that he would resign so it appeared to be a moot point. Now there is word that he might stay in the Senate and run for reelection next year. This is causing a lot of grief among Republicans who do not need any more scandals to hurt them. It seems that someone forgot to tell these guys that they are viewed under a different microscope than their comrades on the left side of the aisle.

In any event, I have decided that I want to help Larry Craig stay in office but I want to do so without hurting the Republican Party so I have come up with an idea that will allow him to stay in and cause little damage to the right. Larry Craig should just change his party affiliation to Democrat. The Democrats are the so called party of tolerance and they would be happy to have him. As a matter of fact, as soon as he changes parties his behavior will no longer be suspect. He can hang out in some of the grandest toilets in the world tapping his toes and humming…

This is a win, win situation. Republicans can get rid of him and Democrats can increase their majority a little. They need the help because they are all getting old and dying off and since so many of them abort their kids there will not be enough left to run for anything in the future. Republicans can use the time to regroup and get their acts together. Senator David Vitter can rescue his political career by doing the same thing. His number will be found in the phone book of a prostitute so what a better time than now to join the Democrats. When Dick Morris was working with the Clintons, he had a prostitute and it did him no harm. Clinton had a tart and it did him little harm. In fact, the party loves him even more for being so modern (if that had been my daughter I’d have kicked his bumpkin ass). Hell, Ted Kennedy was trying to have sex with a woman who was not his wife and ended up killing her and he has been in office for 45 years!!. Moving to the Democratic Party will be a great career move for these two and it will immediately absolve them of their sins.

Now I realize that Craig and Vitter might have some apprehensions about joining the left but they should just let go. They already did stupid things and got caught so it is not like they can run around and tout family values and expect people to believe them. If they become Democrats, on the other hand, they can claim to be for family values and people will accept that faster than an ILLEGAL forges documents. They can do anything they want and it will be accepted and in the unlikely event it is not, they can claim it is for the children and get a pass.

Since Democrats applaud their members who have homosexual sex with underage pages Mark Foley could have saved his career and received a standing ovation just by switching to the Democratic Party. He could have openly expressed his gayness, French kissed Barney Frank and then romped through the dorm with male pages. He should have asked me for advice before he resigned so quickly.

I realize there are other opinions on this and there are some concerns as well. First of all, these guys moving to the left will give that side a larger majority. It really does not matter because they are all basically the same and, as I mentioned earlier, the left is killing itself off. My friends over at Webloggin think we do not need the distraction and that Craig should go. My plan will solve this quickly. Kathryn Jean Lopez of NRO says Larry Craig can stay if Arlen Specter resigns. This is an interesting prospect and one that sounds good. I wanted that cretin Specter out of office the last time he was up for reelection but the President backed him instead of a true Conservative (another point of contention I have with the President). This however, will not solve the Craig issue. Specter will be gone but Craig will still be a black mark to the right. No, I am firmly convinced that Craig needs to change his party affiliation for the good of the party and to save his career.

Of course, Craig could just resign and do as I heard someone on the radio suggest. Get his own reality show and call it “Stall Tactics.”

Thanks to Bosun for the idea

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Big Dog

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