From The Federalist Patriot, Right On

“You’re an enlightened world citizen. Your T-shirt says ‘9/11 was an inside job.’ You’re pretty sure we’re living in a fascist state, that President Bush taps the Dixie Chicks’ phones, Christian abortion clinic bombers outnumber jihadis, and the war on ‘terror’ is a distraction from the real threats: carbon emissions and Pat Robertson. Then you learn that 17 people were arrested in a terrorist bomb plot. How do you process the information?… Wait a minute: The ‘terrorists’ were Canadian? You can understand someone blowing up trains in Spain and London. They sent troops to an illegal war cooked up by neocons who want to kill brown people for Exxon and Jesus, or something. You can understand, reluctantly, blowing up teens in an Israeli pizza parlor, because the Jews took the West Bank from the sovereign, ancient nation of Palestine. But Canada? Isn’t Michael Moore from Canada? You can get medical marijuana from married gay doctors in Canada, and no one has guns. You console yourself: Maybe they were really planning to attack the U.S. You realize the suspects were all Muslim, and you dread the inevitable pogroms. Haven’t been any yet, but any day now. You read that a mosque was vandalized in Toronto after the arrest, and you feel a certain grim relief. Finally, racism!… You find yourself almost wishing there was another real attack, so people could see the logical consequences of ‘fighting back’ after 9/11. Yes, it would be bad, but sometimes you have to break an egg to show people the health impact of omelettes. Is it wrong to wish the Canadian terrorists might have succeeded? Shouldn’t you know the answer to that question?” —James Lileks



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