Clinton’s Library Set to Open

The library of former President, William Jefferson “the Slickmeister” Clinton will open soon. Library officials expect it to draw around 300,000 visitors a year. The library is already credited with millions of dollars in renovation in the surrounding area. The library will include an area dedicated to the impeachment of the former president. There will be items about Monica Lewinsky and Paula Jones.

Library officials stated that the impeachment section is labeled “ADULT” and will feature a video section of today’s hottest porno films including the recently released Porn for Kerry DVD. The library has general admission for all ages but only patrons 18 and older will be allowed in the adult section. Proof of age is required unless you have become emancipated by a tryst with the former president. Young women who pay for a special membership will be allowed into the presidents darkest corner for an exhibition entitled “Willy’s willy” where they will learn exciting things like how to be on the president’s staff. When Clinton is at the facility he will show special members his favorite terrorist Hida Salami. Special membership is optional. According to one official who spoke on the condition of anonymity, “We don’t want to ram this down anyone’s throat.”

The library is beautifully decorated with all the furniture the Clinton’s removed from the White House when they departed. Arkansas officials are excited about the amount of money saved by using furniture provided by taxpayers. One thing that will be missing is the replica Lincoln Bedroom. Officials stated they decided to cancel the replica when the Clinton’s demanded that people be charged extra to go in the bedroom.

Senator Hillary Clinton is expected to be at the grand opening where she will discuss, among other things, the location of her future presidential library. Speculation is that she will not build her future library on the structure that houses her husband’s. Aides say Ms. Clinton does not want to lose the opportunity to charge suckers twice to see the same things and has expressed concerns that her library should be built in her “native” New York. The Hillary Clinton Carpetbagger Presidential Library will be privately funded with ten percent of Ted Kennedy’s bar tabs.

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