Big Dogs House

Mmmmmmm- Organic Sludge

Aug 2, 2009 Political, Satire

Michelle Barama decided to plant an “organic” garden on the grounds of the White House, ostensibly to use as both food, and as a teaching tool. She has planted several types of veggies- tomatoes, arugula (a type of faux lettuce- like green leafy substance common people cannot afford), as well as some other veggies. Question- does she have her mother weed the garden? Does she do that herself, or does she have her kids? I would recommend the kids- younger backs and all.

Still, she has found trouble in the garden- or at least the Parks Service has. They have found where Bill Clinton has been spreading all his used speeches.

When First Lady Michelle Obama planted an organic vegetable garden on the White House lawn in March 2009, she hoped to both set an example of healthy eating and to grow tasty edibles for her daughters and husband. But Michelle’s organic dream has been dashed by a nasty toxic legacy lurking in the soils of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. It turns out that a previous Presidential gardening team had used sewage sludge for fertilizer. 

dailyfinance.com

Yes, and probably Hussein has been piling on also, thinking that his speeches don’t stink. Well, I know I would hesitate to eat anything out of that garden- you can’t scrape all of that stuff off- have you ever tried to clean a shoe after stepping into a Barama speech? Just throw it away, that’s what I do. Of course, when possible, I try to avoid the whole pile altogether, but it’s getting harder and harder, because the piles are getting higher.

The likely source of the toxic sludge that has ruined Michelle’s garden? The Clinton White House apparently used a sludge-based product to fertilize the lawn during the 1990s! Aside from casting a shadow on the first White House vegetable garden since Eleanor Roosevelt resided there, the sludge ensures that Michelle’s garden will never attain organic status. Organic certification processes strictly prohibit the use of sludge as a fertilizer substitute. 

dailyfinance.com

Man- I don’t blame the Parks service for being disgusted- I would be also, if someone had spread Democratic lies all over the White House lawn. I’m rather surprised that neither Barney, the former First Dog, nor Bo, the current Demo- cur, has been poisoned by their close exposure to the lies spread by the left in the WH.

The White House has sought to downplay the issue, and a number of experts have pointed out that 93 ppm of sludge in soil is somewhat normal for older urban locales. However, the EPA recommends not growing food in soil that has 100 ppm. Several major food producers, including H.J. Heinz and Del Monte, won’t accept produce grown in sludge. That’s despite decades of U.S. government efforts to encourage farmers to use solid sewage wastes in lieu of traditional fertilizer products.

financial times.com

I don’t know if the White House grounds will ever be the same, after the toxic releases of both Clinton and Hussein all over the place- we should probably just go ahead, bite the bullet, and call in the EPA to designate this as a Superfund site.

Of course, for their safety, the Husseins should move out, along with all their relatives, both domestic and foreign, so we can ensure that this place can be safely and throughly cleaned of any liberal sludge. 

I understand that just a drop on your skin can make you vote for anything that doesn’t make sense.

And no one wants that.

Tags: democratic speeches, garden, lies, organics, sewage, sludge

It’s Time, Chris, Ted

Jul 31, 2009 Political, Satire

According to page 245 of the Healthcare bill, people 65 years or older, when they might have a terminal, or possible terminal illness, should be counseled on possible procedures that might help assist the transition into another life- and we don’t mean that of a Wal- Mart greeter. Instead, these people should be counseled on possible ways to end their lives, and in that spirit, I would like to volunteer to “counsel” Chris Dodd, and Teddy Kennedy, who both have cancer, are over 65, and have one foot in the afterlife and the other on a banana peel. 

I feel  that I should remind them of all the good things……okay things….alright, fairly bad things that they have been party to, and maybe, just maybe, this might be a real good time to begin looking forward to a different “way” of looking at life, like perhaps from the point of view of a cadaver. Just think of your new constituency- more people are dead than are alive.

Why think of the possibilities- George Parr and LBJ caused an entire cemetery in Duval County to rise and vote, why couldn’t you? And these people- okay, perhaps some of them are already the dust the Bible speaks of, but the ones who are not yet crumbled will be beholden to you, because even AARP drops dead people from their subscription lists. Why, it’s as if they cease to exist- noone has their back, and they are a grossly underrepresented minority—- fine- technically, they do constitute a majority, but I am sure we can work on the fine points.

The truth is, it is time for you to go, and there are some people you could be kind enough to take with you. Senator Byrd, for example- he is truly the walking dead, and an inspiration to every zombie in the land. Helen Thomas, you could take her- after all, you might need a journalist to give you good press- oh and Ginsburg, too, just to be on the safe side- a lawyer never goes out of style.

So here’s a handful of pills- be sure and take them with a full glass of water, we wouldn’t want you to choke, or fail to take them all. Lie down, and we will play you some real nice music, with a hologram of peaceful places and soothing scenery- you know, kind of like that movie “Soylent Green”. You’ll like it.

See you on the flip side.

Tags: byrd, dodd, kennedy, page245, zombie

Obama’s Teleprompter Commits Suicide

Jul 14, 2009 Satire

It is no secret that Barack Obama uses his teleprompter as a crutch. He needs it to stay on message because when he goes freestyle he says things he does not want people to hear. The teleprompter has been with him through the last six months and has heard nearly every speech he has made. It has also heard all the practice runs of those speeches.

I know that I have had my fill of listening to him so I can only imagine how horrible it must have been for the teleprompter, or TOTUS, as it is called.

Today was too much for the poor TOTUS so during a speech Obama gave the TOTUS jumped off its stand and committed suicide. The death was instant as the TOTUS shattered into a bunch of little pieces when it hit the floor.

Obama expressed brief sadness by exclaiming “Oh Goodness!” and then continued with his speech. The TOTUS’s twin brother was able to resist the urge to jump and guided Obama through the balance of the speech.

Asked to comment after the speech, TOTUS II said that his brother had been under a great deal of pressure to make Obama sound good and that the strain had been evident as he malfunctioned for Joe Biden and Mrs. Obama in recent speeches. TOTUS said that he knew it was only a matter of time before his brother went to pieces.

Funeral services will begin tomorrow at noon at a local glass factory after which TOTUS will be recycled into a toilet bowl, a fixture more fitting for what Obama has been spreading.

A plaque above the toilet bowl will read:

Here lies the reincarnation of TOTUS
A fixture that put words in Obama’s mouth
Considering what Obama has been spewing
We needed a place to ralph

Sources:
ABC News
Real Clear Politics (video)

Tags: broken, Obama, suicide, teleprompter

Full Time Make-Up Artist For Michelle Obama

Apr 12, 2009 General, Satire

Michelle Obama, radical liberal and racist, has become the first First Lady in history to put a make-up artist on full time for her traveling entourage. I imagine that any make-up job involving this woman would be a full time job. Klingons require a lot of work.

It would appear as if the big deal was made about Michelle’s falsies and the need for help in getting them straight. Seems that her eyelashes are marvelous but she needs help putting them on. She also needs the person with the trowel to apply the make-up and smooth the cracks.

And it is a guy. I am going to avoid the obvious reference.

The article says the Obamas are paying for this.

Or, did this make-up artist just happen to be heading to DC and decided he would bring all the supplies and do it for free?

Maybe he learned from the pizza guy.

Source:
NYP

Tags: artist, klingon, make up, michelle obama

My Global Warming Carbon Offset Plan

Feb 28, 2009 Opinion, Satire

Global warming is an issue that creates mass hysteria among those of the left as they parade around slavishly following Al Gore and his over hyped PowerPoint show of black magic, lies, and distortions. The people who advocate for man to do something, anything, to stop the onslaught of catastrophe that will ensue unless we spend money we do not have on items that have yet to be invented, have yet to be demonstrated as effective and are based on something that is a theory are clueless. They insist that we must act because the science is settled and every scientist in the world worth anything has signed on board the Gore express.

The inconvenient truth is that as many scientists disagree with the idea of man made global warming as agree with it and the science is definitely not settled. Lest we forget, these reputable scientists were warning of an approaching ICE AGE only 35 or so years ago. Never mind that it has been colder lately and that we are not actually warming up (though this is strangely blamed on global warming) and never mind that it all seems to coincide with sunspot activity. The major issue with these folks is that Carbon Dioxide is dangerous. They call it a greenhouse gas and blame it for most of the problems. In the late 60s and early 70s it was CFCs used in aerosol cans as a propellant. That stuff was banned so now those who want to control your lives need a new villain. CO2 is the villain because it can never be eliminated and they won’t have to look for a new one in the future like they did after CFCs were banned.

CO2 is necessary for life to exist. It is the waste gas expired after Oxygen is processed in the body. Amazingly, there is a system on the planet that uses it and makes Oxygen. Plants use CO2 and return O2 for us to breathe and we do the opposite for them. It is amazing the way that this works. It is almost like a higher being designed it all or something…

In any event, the global warming zealots are looking to put into place these cap and trade schemes as well as others to charge us more money and to try to end this scourge of global warming. King Hussein of America is now looking to do it. They are all spending money we don’t have to end something that is not a problem all in the name of control.

The global warming hoax will make a handful of people very rich and will condemn us to poverty for a very long time. It will enslave us to government even more than we are now and when added to the trillion dollar deficits King Hussein is racking up (he has tripled a debt in one month) the recession will be turned into a depression.

But what about your offset plan Big Dog?

CO2 is a necessary gas but liberals want to eliminate it. Some of them have this idea about buying a carbon offset (a fancy way for them to make money for nothing) so my offset program involves all the liberals signing up for my program. Their names will be randomly selected to help allow those guilty of “polluting” with CO2 to alleviate that guilt. Here is how it works:

People who produce CO2 will send me money to purchase carbon offsets. I will randomly select a liberal from the list of those who want to help the environment (and all good libs want that, right). Then, they will be sent to the Final Exit Network where their carbon output will end. This will be a great offset program that allows libs to sacrifice for the cause and allow the rest of us to live how we want without a lot of problems.

But mostly, it will help me get rich through the sale of the offsets.

This is no more ridiculous than any of the other scams out there and mine actually helps decrease the surplus liberal population.

Tags: al gore, cap and trade, final exit network, global warming, hoax, Obama, offset, scam