My friends at The Nose On Your Face have a great parody about Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs fame. Johnson has recently gone bonkers and is probably close to a nervous breakdown. The parody is a great piece that delves into Johnson’s weirdness.

The guys at the Nose On Your Face have brought us such great items as Islamic Rage Boy and Ahmed and the Chipmunks. And don’t forget Islamic Rage Boy sings “Infidels”.

TNOYF You Tube Channel.

Big Dog Salute to American Digest

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A lot of people are going to Copenhagen for the Climate Summit where they can discuss how to impose massive amounts of taxes on countries (read taxpayers) in order to force rich countries to pay for what now has turned out to be an unsettled issue.

The prostitution industry thrives there and Copenhagen Mayor Ritt Bjerregaard sent postcards to the hotels telling guests not to visit the brothels. It seems she does not want this trade, that is legal there, to continue.

The prostitutes are fighting back. They will give free sex to anyone who arrives at a brothel with one of the postcards.

Bill Clinton has now asked to go to the Summit. Word has it that he is collecting as many of the postcards as he can get his hands on.

He promised to split them with Hillary.

Barack Obama cut back his schedule for Copenhagen and when asked about the free sex he replied; “I don’t need any more sex. I get to screw America everyday and I get paid to do it.”

Source:
Spiegel Online

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Perhaps we can tell him that he needs to go there and check out some socialist plan of Utopia. Regardless, we need to get him to go to Peru.

Any suggestions on how to get him there?

Comments welcome.

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There is a new potential blockbuster on the horizon for Hollywood, and really, all anyone has to do is follow the porcine Michael Moore around with a camera (not too closely) for about three months- even leftists who support Chavez should be able to find Mr. Moore by then, and they are really dumb- look at who they support, while a formerly good and decent country is dragged down to third- world banana status.

It’s all about pride, and the perception that Hugo Chavez is something other than the idiot he seems to be- well, Chavistas can’t have that, so they attack anyone and anything that poses a problem for poor old Hugo. A jar of salsa can’t be opened by the great man? Line it up against a wall and shoot the top off. That’s one of their solutions to a resistance to Chavez. Third world banana republic tinpot dictators are like that, you know. Aw, shoot- I’m profiling again, aren’t I?

But they go further than that- Michael Moore’s comments on a Jimmy Kimmel show have made the Chavistas mad- he dared to portray El Gordo (the fat one) as less than God- like.

During a recent appearance on ABC’s late-night program “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Mr. Moore gave an account — apparently tongue in cheek — of how he drank a bottle-and-a-half of tequila with Mr. Chávez at the Venice Film Festival in September, and how he mistook Venezuela’s burly foreign minister, Nicolás Maduro, for a bodyguard.

Those comments have created an uproar here among some of Mr. Chávez’s loyal supporters, known as Chavistas.

nytimes.com

Goodness- such a slam- the Chavistas were furious, but not because of just that one comment- wait!- there’s more-

Ms. Golinger and other Chavistas took particular umbrage at Mr. Moore’s suggestion that he had imbibed with Mr. Chávez (the president is a noted teetotaler) while giving him some speechwriting advice. The advice, Mr. Moore said in the appearance, had been accepted.

Mr. Moore’s comments “about President Chávez asking him to ‘help’ write his United Nations speech demonstrate Moore’s extreme ego,” Ms. Golinger wrote.

“President Chávez is one of the most brilliant speakers in the world, with an immense capacity to bring together a variety of ideas while being coherent,” she added. “We know that nobody writes his speeches, not even him! He speaks from his heart, and not from a teleprompter!”

nytimes.com

Yes, Chavez’ words rain down from heaven, yada, yada, yada- Chavez is a blowhard, that much is true, and the people who follow him are clueless lemmings, but, as I said at the outset, we might have a documentary/ snuff film/ comedy/ thriller on our hands. Oh, to have a handle on all those genres, and demographics, and all we have to do is get a few cameras and follow Mr. Moore around- the Chavistas have such a fragile ego collectively, that they resemble the White House, so we can expect the attacks to commence very soon.

But here its not the Chicago Way- its the Caracas Way- and they will use assassination- oh, they will need armor- piercing ammo, in order to penetrate that layer of blubber he protects himself with. Mickey D’s make for good kevlar- like protection- all those chemicals and preservatives, you know.

Perhaps they will use a harpoon, but that might bring the wrath of Greenpeace upon them. Wouldn’t that be cool? And if the Sierra Club got in on the chase, figuring that he needed to  be banded and studied, and his natural environment ( a padded room) should be protected. Imagine the cast of characters, the twists and turns!

This could be done with non- union labor, just like Michael Moore does- oh, the irony, as we capture the final moments of his life, I can hear the cheering in the theaters. Doctors will be in the theaters during the last five minutes! Those who are weak of heart should not attend, for fear that the joy might be too much.

And just think- for once in his life, Chavez might actually have done something positive for this world and the environment.

I am sure however, the Venezuelans would stake a claim on Moore’s fat body, and designate it as an alternative energy source.

After all, whale oil used to be all the rage.

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I have just now figured out how I am going to get rich and rule the world. Smuggling- and not just smuggling the mundane things like drugs and guns- they are so yesterday- but the new currency- I am talking toilet paper.

Not just any toilet paper either- this stuff will be worth the money, believe you me- it will be all long- strand only- no recycled paper products. No, if you buy my product, I’ll even make sure you get the stuff with aloe- now that’s some plushness. I will have to stake out my turf, though- and have a posse to protect the product. I’m sure I can do that. I’ll pay ‘em in rolls. That’ll ensure their loyalty.

Now all I have to do is worry about the revenuers.

It is a fight over toilet paper: the kind that is blanket-fluffy and getting fluffier so fast that manufacturers are running out of synonyms for “soft” (Quilted Northern Ultra Plush is the first big brand to go three-ply and three-adjective).

It’s a menace, environmental groups say — and a dark-comedy example of American excess.

The reason, they say, is that plush U.S. toilet paper is usually made by chopping down and grinding up trees that were decades or even a century old. They want Americans, like Europeans, to wipe with tissue made from recycled paper goods.

washingtonpost.com

No, no, no- we are not the Europeans- we don’t use soviet- bloc stuff with the chernobyl bark pressed into the weave here. No, or dare I say Nyet! We are better than that- we are the USA, and we demand softness (and adjectives). If the Europeans want some factory seconds, I will have a warehouse  that will specialize in paper bags and the Sheryl Crow commemorative Square At A Time dispenser, complete with napkin size, No Tidy Whitey sheets (may contain up to 20% bark and/ or leaves- not responsible for poison ivy).That is your choice.

The reason for this fight lies in toilet-paper engineering. Each sheet is a web of wood fibers, and fibers from old trees are longer, which produces a smoother and more supple web. Fibers made from recycled paper — in this case magazines, newspapers or computer printouts — are shorter. The web often is rougher.

So, when toilet paper is made for the “away from home” market, the no-choice bathrooms in restaurants, offices and schools, manufacturers use recycled fiber about 75 percent of the time.

But for the “at home” market, the paper customers buy for themselves, 5 percent at most is fully recycled. The rest is mostly or totally “virgin” fiber, taken from newly cut trees, according to the market analysis firm RISI Inc.

washingtonpost.com

See, that’s what I am talkin’ about, Willis- we’ve got the corner on the “at homers”- and we will protect this market with all the viciousness of a momma wolverine protecting her cubs, or a liberal protecting his hypocrisy (your choice).

I figure after about four years of some really phat TP-ing, I can probably retire, sock my money in MUNIs and stuff, and move down to Belize, if it hasn’t become a leftist “worker’s paradise”- if it has, I will have to bring my own stash of TP- God knows socialists don’t even know how to make even toilet paper.

I’ll get the good stuff, the Canadian stuff- oh, it’s so fluffy you could sleep on it- that stuff will go for gold only, preferably unmarked ingots- one ounce, one roll. Aaaahhh, I love the good stuff-

“The problem is not yet getting better,” said Chris Henschel, of the Canadian Parks and Wilderness Society, talking about logging in Canada’s boreal forests. He said real change will come only when consumers change their habits: “It’s unbelievable that this global treasure of Canadian boreal forests is being turned into toilet paper. . . . I think every reasonable person would have trouble understanding how that would be okay.”

washingtonpost.com

Okay? Okay? It is more than okay with me- good God man, do you even know what you are saying? You keep talkin’ like that, you are gonna have to meet my little friend. I am gonna be the next Kennedy dynasty- they did it with whiskey and cigarettes, I will do it with TP- just don’t mess with me- I’ll have the money to hire some goons- you reckon SEIU is for hire? I hear they work cheap- or maybe I heard their work ethic is cheap-  am not sure, but I do know I am gonna be rich as soon as the enviro- nuts begin to convince everyone in government to switch to cheaper, rougher, tougher toilet paper.

I will be the one  in Hollywood, selling the good stuff to Johnny Depp and George Clooney- what- you don’t think they will be using the cheap stuff do you?

Their commitment to the environment is only skin deep.

Maybe not even that.

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China is holding trillions of dollars of US debt and the prospect of getting paid is extremely bleak so China has decided to foreclose on Washington DC.

On September 20th the Communist Flag of China will be raised at the White House as that nation takes possession of the presidential residence. The joy felt throughout China is best expressed in the following statement:

“It was always my dream to raise a Chinese flag in the center of Washington, D.C.,” Chen Ronghua, chief of the U.S.-Fujian Association, told the newspaper. “This year, my motherland’s 60th birthday, is the perfect time for it.” World Net Daily

In addition to the White House, China will take possession of the presidential retreat at Camp David, the Washington Monument, the Jefferson Memorial, the Capitol and the Treasury Building.

China was unsure about taking the Capitol but figured since it already owned most members of Congress it might as well take the building. Representatives of China also decided that the White House was not worth as much as they had anticipated because the current resident smokes there and lowered the value of the building.

The foreclosure does not erase the entire debt and China will likely foreclose on other properties once it sends a delegation here to assess property values.

Van Jones commented that he is unhappy that he will not be a part of the administration that finally embraces Communism as he had done but was proud to be a part of history even if it was for a very brief time.

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Michelle Barama decided to plant an “organic” garden on the grounds of the White House, ostensibly to use as both food, and as a teaching tool. She has planted several types of veggies- tomatoes, arugula (a type of faux lettuce- like green leafy substance common people cannot afford), as well as some other veggies. Question- does she have her mother weed the garden? Does she do that herself, or does she have her kids? I would recommend the kids- younger backs and all.

Still, she has found trouble in the garden- or at least the Parks Service has. They have found where Bill Clinton has been spreading all his used speeches.

When First Lady Michelle Obama planted an organic vegetable garden on the White House lawn in March 2009, she hoped to both set an example of healthy eating and to grow tasty edibles for her daughters and husband. But Michelle’s organic dream has been dashed by a nasty toxic legacy lurking in the soils of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. It turns out that a previous Presidential gardening team had used sewage sludge for fertilizer. 

dailyfinance.com

Yes, and probably Hussein has been piling on also, thinking that his speeches don’t stink. Well, I know I would hesitate to eat anything out of that garden- you can’t scrape all of that stuff off- have you ever tried to clean a shoe after stepping into a Barama speech? Just throw it away, that’s what I do. Of course, when possible, I try to avoid the whole pile altogether, but it’s getting harder and harder, because the piles are getting higher.

The likely source of the toxic sludge that has ruined Michelle’s garden? The Clinton White House apparently used a sludge-based product to fertilize the lawn during the 1990s! Aside from casting a shadow on the first White House vegetable garden since Eleanor Roosevelt resided there, the sludge ensures that Michelle’s garden will never attain organic status. Organic certification processes strictly prohibit the use of sludge as a fertilizer substitute. 

dailyfinance.com

Man- I don’t blame the Parks service for being disgusted- I would be also, if someone had spread Democratic lies all over the White House lawn. I’m rather surprised that neither Barney, the former First Dog, nor Bo, the current Demo- cur, has been poisoned by their close exposure to the lies spread by the left in the WH.

The White House has sought to downplay the issue, and a number of experts have pointed out that 93 ppm of sludge in soil is somewhat normal for older urban locales. However, the EPA recommends not growing food in soil that has 100 ppm. Several major food producers, including H.J. Heinz and Del Monte, won’t accept produce grown in sludge. That’s despite decades of U.S. government efforts to encourage farmers to use solid sewage wastes in lieu of traditional fertilizer products.

financial times.com

I don’t know if the White House grounds will ever be the same, after the toxic releases of both Clinton and Hussein all over the place- we should probably just go ahead, bite the bullet, and call in the EPA to designate this as a Superfund site.

Of course, for their safety, the Husseins should move out, along with all their relatives, both domestic and foreign, so we can ensure that this place can be safely and throughly cleaned of any liberal sludge. 

I understand that just a drop on your skin can make you vote for anything that doesn’t make sense.

And no one wants that.

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According to page 245 of the Healthcare bill, people 65 years or older, when they might have a terminal, or possible terminal illness, should be counseled on possible procedures that might help assist the transition into another life- and we don’t mean that of a Wal- Mart greeter. Instead, these people should be counseled on possible ways to end their lives, and in that spirit, I would like to volunteer to “counsel” Chris Dodd, and Teddy Kennedy, who both have cancer, are over 65, and have one foot in the afterlife and the other on a banana peel. 

I feel  that I should remind them of all the good things……okay things….alright, fairly bad things that they have been party to, and maybe, just maybe, this might be a real good time to begin looking forward to a different “way” of looking at life, like perhaps from the point of view of a cadaver. Just think of your new constituency- more people are dead than are alive.

Why think of the possibilities- George Parr and LBJ caused an entire cemetery in Duval County to rise and vote, why couldn’t you? And these people- okay, perhaps some of them are already the dust the Bible speaks of, but the ones who are not yet crumbled will be beholden to you, because even AARP drops dead people from their subscription lists. Why, it’s as if they cease to exist- noone has their back, and they are a grossly underrepresented minority—- fine- technically, they do constitute a majority, but I am sure we can work on the fine points.

The truth is, it is time for you to go, and there are some people you could be kind enough to take with you. Senator Byrd, for example- he is truly the walking dead, and an inspiration to every zombie in the land. Helen Thomas, you could take her- after all, you might need a journalist to give you good press- oh and Ginsburg, too, just to be on the safe side- a lawyer never goes out of style.

So here’s a handful of pills- be sure and take them with a full glass of water, we wouldn’t want you to choke, or fail to take them all. Lie down, and we will play you some real nice music, with a hologram of peaceful places and soothing scenery- you know, kind of like that movie “Soylent Green”. You’ll like it.

See you on the flip side.

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It is no secret that Barack Obama uses his teleprompter as a crutch. He needs it to stay on message because when he goes freestyle he says things he does not want people to hear. The teleprompter has been with him through the last six months and has heard nearly every speech he has made. It has also heard all the practice runs of those speeches.

I know that I have had my fill of listening to him so I can only imagine how horrible it must have been for the teleprompter, or TOTUS, as it is called.

Today was too much for the poor TOTUS so during a speech Obama gave the TOTUS jumped off its stand and committed suicide. The death was instant as the TOTUS shattered into a bunch of little pieces when it hit the floor.

Obama expressed brief sadness by exclaiming “Oh Goodness!” and then continued with his speech. The TOTUS’s twin brother was able to resist the urge to jump and guided Obama through the balance of the speech.

Asked to comment after the speech, TOTUS II said that his brother had been under a great deal of pressure to make Obama sound good and that the strain had been evident as he malfunctioned for Joe Biden and Mrs. Obama in recent speeches. TOTUS said that he knew it was only a matter of time before his brother went to pieces.

Funeral services will begin tomorrow at noon at a local glass factory after which TOTUS will be recycled into a toilet bowl, a fixture more fitting for what Obama has been spreading.

A plaque above the toilet bowl will read:

Here lies the reincarnation of TOTUS
A fixture that put words in Obama’s mouth
Considering what Obama has been spewing
We needed a place to ralph

Sources:
ABC News
Real Clear Politics (video)

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Michelle Obama, radical liberal and racist, has become the first First Lady in history to put a make-up artist on full time for her traveling entourage. I imagine that any make-up job involving this woman would be a full time job. Klingons require a lot of work.

It would appear as if the big deal was made about Michelle’s falsies and the need for help in getting them straight. Seems that her eyelashes are marvelous but she needs help putting them on. She also needs the person with the trowel to apply the make-up and smooth the cracks.

And it is a guy. I am going to avoid the obvious reference.

The article says the Obamas are paying for this.

Or, did this make-up artist just happen to be heading to DC and decided he would bring all the supplies and do it for free?

Maybe he learned from the pizza guy.

Source:
NYP

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